Chuck Connor
by Michael2
Summary: Colin Mallory finds himself on the set of a popular television show. COMPLETE
1. Slider Research Labs

I clocked out and received my last pay just after I was done vacuuming the carpet with a Hoover vacuum cleaner. Here I was, done with another tour of duty at a menial job, the kind of jobs I have usually been getting the past year and a half.   
  
After my arrival here two weeks ago, I got a job at the Einman Entertainment Center in San Francisco. These entertainment centers have various games. The most interesting games are the virtual-reality arcades, where people can actually step into a virtual world. There were many programs available. One program had people participating in a re-enactment of the American Civil War, complete with the rifles and the horses and the uniforms of that era. One can also play a fighter pilot in outer space, zapping aliens and such.   
  
Today was my last day, and I was due to slide out. It was a Sunday by the way.   
  
"Hey Colin," someone said. "Colin Mallory! Is that you?"  
  
I turned and noticed the voice came from a woman about two inches shorter than me. She had long brown hair and a slender figure, and she wore a New York University sweater.   
  
"Uh, hi," I said.   
  
"Whgat are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
"I was taking a temporary job," I said. "I just clocked out and received my last pay. I'm going to go get some supplies from the liquor store acorss the street."  
  
"Do you remember who I am?"  
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"It's me, Molly! Back from high school."  
  
"Well, nice to meet you. Where have you been?"  
  
"I went to college in New York; I decided to come back to San Francisco to visit my family and friends. I can't believe you're here. It's been so long!"  
  
I left the Einman Entertainment Center; Molly decided to follow me. I went into a 7-Eleven convenience store across the street. I purchased some Doritos and Evian bottled water for my next trip.   
  
"Tell me what you've been doing," asked Molly as I exited the 7-Eleven.  
  
"Traveling," I said, which was the truth. I looked at my watch; I would be gone in a few seconds.  
  
I felt weightless for a moment, and then gravity tugged at my feet.  
  
I looked around. I noticed Molly was gone. The 7-Eleven was replaced with an Arco gas station, and the Einman Entertainment Center was replaced with the Doppler Computer Superstore.  
  
The library was closed on Sunday, so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could access the Internet in there.  
  
I entered the store, all lit wqith fluorescent lamps. My brother Quinn once worked in the counterpart of this store six years ago. I looked arounds the store. There were various brands of personal computers for sale, as well as hard disk drives, ZIP drives and disks, printers, floppy disks, CD-ROM drives, and all sortsa of accessories. I noticed some computer games available, like Warcraft: Orcs and Humans and Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings.   
  
I went to one of the computers on display, a Power Macintosh G4. I fouind out I could access the Internet. I went to the 411.com web sute and looked for Quinn Mallory.  
  
As luck would have it, Quinn here was living in San Francisco.   
  
I went to the Google webs tie to see if there was more information on Quinn Mallory on the World Wide Web. I entered his name and clicked search.   
  
I clicked on the first link. It led to a web page for interdimensional resaearch. I took a few minutes to read it.  
  
apparently, it is the web site of Slider Research labs, located in the San Franciso Harbor. They research quantum translocation, or as my brother put it, sliding.  
  
This was it. Maybe this world's version of Quinn can help me find my brother and friends.  
  
I turned around and saw about six people looking at me. I wondered if there was something on my face.  
  
"Hey," a woman said, "you're Chuck Connor!"  
  
"You must have me confused for someone else," I said. And then I left to see Quinn.  
  
It took me a good while toi reach Quinn's, since the currency from the previous world was obsolete. So I had to walk. After many steps, my tired feet reached the front door to Quinn's townhouse.  
  
It was a row of houses, all alongside each other. The one on the corner was for sale. I was hoping Quinn was home.  
  
I rang the doorbell; it gave this strange chime, like from a horror movie.   
  
The door opened, and Quinn revelaed himself. "Hey, Colin!" he said. "You came all the way here to visit me unannounced?"  
  
I looked at this man. I did not know he was Quinn Mallory until I heard his voice. His brown hair was cut and styled to resemble spines from a porcupine sticking from his scalp. There was a large earring on his left ear and a nose ring on the right nostril of his nose. He was all dressed in black. I looked at the fingernails; they were painted black. He looked like some guy from a Gothic horror film.  
  
"Hi, Quinn," I said. "That's an interesting look."  
  
"I've looked this way since high school," he said. "Where's Molly. She didn't come with you?"  
  
"No," I said. "Listen, may I come inside? I need your help."  
  
So I went inside. The living room looked normal, with a Sony color television and sofas and chairs. There were pictures of his parents, my version on this world, and a pretty young lady.  
  
"There's something I have to tell you," I said. "I'm a counterpart of your brother from a parallel universe."  
  
"What?" asked Quinn.  
  
"Yes, I know you work with wormholes and such. I read about it in your web site."  
  
"you want to visit parallel worlds?" asked Quinn.  
  
"I've been doing that for a year," I said. "But something happened."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Six months ago, I, your counterpart, and two companionsentered a wormhole. Something was traveling in the oppsite direction, and I found myself separated from them. Soon, I found out I was sliding from world to world on my own, without any external equipment."  
  
"Colin, if this is a joke, you're buying me, Mom, Dad, and Katie dinner. An expensive dinner."  
  
"If this is a joke, then I'll do so. Why not call Colin?"  
  
"I know his private cell phone number," said Quinn. He goes to a telephone in the kitchen and dials a number. After a few seconds, he hangs up.  
  
"I guess you are buying us dinner," said Quinn. "Where are you staying."  
  
Then the telephone rings and Quinn picks it up. "Hello, this is Quinn, who is this?" he asked. "You're kidding." He looked at me and then hung up.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Quinn. "Are you impersonating my brother?"  
  
"Not by choice," I said. "I am his counterpart from another dimension. If you check my fingerprints, they will be identical. My genetic structure will be identical."  
  
"I think you should leave buddy."  
  
"Or else what? You'll call the police and they'll arrest me? They'll take my prints and they will match with that of this world's Colin Mallory!"  
  
"Okay, this must be a joke. You gave some guy at the studio your cell phone and told him to pretend to be you."  
  
"Call your brother and ask him something only the two of you would know."  
  
"And he would know if you told him."  
  
"I could not have told him everything."  
  
Quinn dials the number. "Hello, Colin, I know you're busy, but what's my birthday?....What high school did you go to?.....Where did you meet Molly?.....What was the name of that black Labrador retriever we had?......Well, if you're not Colin, you are very good at pretending to be him......It's complicated, and you'd have to see him for yourself to believe it. Well, goodbye."  
  
"So what?" I asked.  
  
"There is something going on," said Quinn. "I'll have to take you to the lab tomorrow. You can stay here for the night."  
  
"Cool," I said.   
  
Perhaps you would like to watch a DVD," said Quinn, taking a DVD case from the DVD rack located next to the television. I read the title, "Robotech: Macross".  
  
I looked at the cover and it featured a fighter jet transforming into a robot or something. I went to the reverse side and looked at the screenshots. I recognized one of the people in the screenshots.  
  
It was my duplicate from this Earth! Apparently he was an actor. I read the movie's description. The movie starred Colin Mallory, Kari Wuhrer, Ming Na Wen, Michael Biehn, and Edward James Olmos. The movie was directed by James Cameron.  
  
So I decided to play the movie, which lasted three hours. And it was very interesting.   
  
An alien spaceship crashed into the South Ataria Island on Earth in 1999. An international military force investigated and discovered it was a warship. The United Nations took control of South Ataria Island and the spaceship, and hired the greatest minds on Earth to rebuild the spaceship. The U.N. also formed a military force that would utilize the alien technology to defend the Earth from alien attack. A city called Macross City grew up around the ship and filled the island.  
  
In 2009, the ship was commissioned the SDF-1 Macross, and placed under the control of the U.N. Spacy, which conducted military space operations for the U.N.. There was a celebration by the city's people for the maiden flight of the Macross. Captain Henry J. Gloval (Olmos) entered the bridge to conduct operations; he is assisted by Lieutenant Commander Lisa Hayes (Wuhrer).  
  
Hayes contacts an airplane landing in Macross City. The pilot is Rick Hunter (Mallory), who is an air circus pilot. On the ground, he meets an old friend, U.N. Spacy Lieutenant Commander Roy Fokker (Biehn).  
  
Fokker shows Hunter into a cockpit of a new type of fighter called the VF-1 Valkyrie. Roy was about to bring Rick for a flight when a combat alert was called. It seesm the ship's main gun had just fired on its own and destroyed two alien scout ships! Combat alert was declared, and Roy took off in his Valkyrie. While air combat was going on, Rick was ordered into battle by Lisa, who mistook him for a fighter pilot. He flies up into the air where there is a battle with alien fighters. One thing leads to another, and Rick pulls a lever that turns the fighter jet into a robot! The robot then crashes into a Chinese restaurant.   
  
The alien forces invade, and Rick takes a few quick lessons at battloid control and rescues a young lady named Minmei (Wen). He finds out that the aliens are giant humans! Well, one thing leads to another, and an accident brings the Macross and the South Ataria Island to orbit around the sun near Pluto!   
  
Macross City is rebuilt inside the huge ship, two naval vessels are docked with the spaceship, and Rick joins the U.N. Spacy along the way. There are more battles with the aliens, which are later identified as the Zentraedi. Along the way, the heroesare captured by them. They learn that the Zentraedi are extremely sexually repressed-all their reproduction is done by cloning. They of course escape and make it back to the Macross, but not ebfore three alien spies, shrunk down to size, were placed on board.  
  
The movie ends when the ship lands in the Pacific Ocean; the people of Macross City returning to Earth.  
  
I had to admit, this world's Colin Mallory was a good actor. I loved his portrayal of a young pilot who got thrust into an interstellar war. During the movie, his character grows, and Colin showed that growth pretty well.  
  
I stopped the DVD and looked at the time; it was time to sleep on the couch.  
  
The next morning, I had some Frosted Flakes and Minute Maid orange juice for breakfast. Quinn got dressed, wearing a black shirt with black pants and a black necktieAfter that, I sat inside a blue BMW which is Quinn's car. He drove to the lab.  
  
"So, tell me more about your brother?" I asked along the way.   
  
"Well, he decided to start an acrting career in Los Angeles after graduating high school in 1989," said Quinn. "The Robotech movie you watched was his big break, and he got his first million from that movie."  
  
"Is he a good actor?" I asked.  
  
"Well, yes. He manages to perform well, even if the movie wasn't any good. I can't wait to see the looks on people's faces when I bring you in."  
  
Soon, after driving through the San Francisco streets, we reached the harbor. We had to go through a checkpoint.  
  
"Why is the lab inside the harbor?" I asked.  
  
"We're essenatuially traveling to foreign countries," said Quinn. "Congress passed a law requiring anything brought from parallel universes be cleared by Customs."  
  
Quin parked the BMW in a reserved parking space and he led me into a nondescript building; it looked no different than the other buildings in the harbor. We went into the lobby.  
  
"I know you," said a guard in the lobby. "You're Colin Mallory!"  
  
"I seem to know you from somewhere," I said, which was true. I might have seen one of his duplicates in a previous world.   
  
I signed in, and Quinn led me down a hallway and entered one of the offices, which I guessed was his office. I saw a woman in her late twenties with short brown hair, who was a little shorter than Quinn.  
  
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Colin Mallory! I watch your show every week! Can I get your autograph?"  
  
"Well, okay," I said.  
  
"Wade, this is a Colin Mallory," said Quinn, "But he's not the Colin Mallory of this Earth." He then faced me. "This is my secretary Wade Welles."  
  
"What do you mean you're not of this Earth?" asked Wade.  
  
"Well, I'm from a parallel universe," I said. "My brother, who is another version of Quinn here, built a sliding generator. I got separated from him and I know slide randomly from world to world and I'm just trying to get home."  
  
"Come on, Colin, let's meet the research staff."  
  
So I met the research staff of Slider Research Labs. The chief researcher, Dr. Maximilian Arturo, is a large heavyset man who speaks with a British accent.  
  
"So you don't recognize me?" I asked. "I'm a duplicate of that guy on TV."  
  
"I do not watch much American television," said Dr. Arturo.  
  
"Hey, said Wing, another researcher, "I watch your show every week. Maybe I'll get to meet the real Colin someday."  
  
So I briefly told them what happened to me.  
  
"So you're unstuck," said Dr. Steven Jensen. "You know, I've theorized that it would be possible to destabilize the dimensional bonds, but it was only a mathematical theory."  
  
"And I'm the proof," I said. "It's not all bad, except I do not know where in the multiverse my friends are and I don't know how to get to them."  
  
"Well, I suppose it would be worth studying you to unlock the secrets of the multiverse," said Dr. Diana Davis. "If we weren't curious, we wouldn't be in this business."  
  
And so test me they did. they put me through X-Ray machines and MRI's and other acronym-named machines. I had this felling of deja vu, since I had gone through these kind of tests before. I just hoped this lab was not another Kromagg Dynasty Front.  
  
After the tests, I went to Quinn's office. I went to the Internet Movie Database at http://us.imdb.com and decided to look up colin Mallory.  
  
It looks like the native Colin has had quite a career since he starred in a movie back in 1990. Currently, he is a regular on a television series called Hollywood Detectives, which was on Tuesday nights. I read a short bio on him, and it turens out he is married.  
  
I had lunch with Quinn. Spaghetti was being served.  
  
"So how did you start working here?" I asked.  
  
"I was a physics grad student who was recruited after I got my master's degree," said Quinn. "I actually solved the equation which explained sliding. That allowed us to track wormholes and store coordinates, which allowed for people to visit these other versions of Earth."  
  
"Could it be possible to construct a sliding generator without knowing the equation?"  
  
"Probably, but the equation was used to calculate universe coordinates and to track wormholes. Sliding would not be safe if there was no way to direct a wormhole to a particular universe."  
  
That is what my brother had done. He and his friends went through before a system of tracking wormholes and storing coordinates was developed, and they slid randomly for three years. That is the situation I currently find myself in. "Well, that wopuld be kind of foolish," I said.  
  
"After the wormholes were opened, we studied them over a year before sending a human through," said Quinn. "Well, tell me more about yourself. Do you remmeber that gift Katie got you for Christmas?"  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"Oh, I was talking about a different you."  
  
"Well, I was born in San Francisco. My parents died when I was young, and I moved around. I lived in El Segundo when I began my journey. I visited many worlds with my brother for one year before the accident that made me unstuck."  
  
"Did you have someone special?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I guess I have to get back toi work. Maybe we can learn something from the test results."  
  
After being subjected to more and more tests, Quinn took me back to his house. I was going to be here for a while, and I did not want to be too much of a burden on him.  
  
I decided to watch the second Robotech movie. It was three hours long, and my counterpart reprised his role, as did Kari Wuhrer and Michael Biehn and Edward James Olmos.   
  
In this movie, the Zentraedi did not give up on trying to recover the SDF-1 Macross after its return to Earth. They continued their attacks. In one attack, Lieutenant Commander Roy Fokker was killed. There was also a subplot of three Zentraedi spies who were shrunk down and assigned to observe the humans, whom thety call Micronians.  
  
The Macross developed an experimental shield. There was another Zentraedi attack, and a city in Canada was destroyed and the ship was forced to leave Earth. There was another battle where the aliens actually managed to get on board the ship. It was during thios attack that some micronized Zentraedi sneaked aboard and asked for asylum.  
  
The climax of the movie was nothing short of a thrill ride. One of the veritech fighter pilots actually married a micronized Zentraedi. Then the Macross made an alliance with a Zantraedi commander just before the main fleet arrives. There was a huge battle between the main fleet and the SDF-1 Macross, and the Macross used an overload of iots shield system to destroy the Zentraedi Headquarters Ship.  
  
I removed the DVD and turned off the DVD player..   
  
I used a computer in Quinn's study tyo access the Internet and do research on the Robotech movies. It seesm the movies were based on a Japanese cartoon called Macross, which was later brought to the U.S. as Robotech. The movies received excellemt rewviews, and the first Robotech movie was the highest grossing film in history. It was no surprise why my counterpart was a major movie star.  
  
Well, all I can do is wait for the test results and find out if Quinn can reunite me with my brother and friends. 


	2. Colin Can't Act

The next day, I once again went to the Slider Research Labs in San Francisco. Quinn showed me pictures taken in other versions of Earth, such as a green Golden Gate Bridge.   
  
I attended a meeting in a conference room where the lab results were discussed.  
  
"As you see here," said Dr. Conrad Bennish, "we detected radiationemanating from Mr. Mallory's body, which was not present in the control subjects.This raidation is the same type of radiation emmitted by the wormholes when we open them. Furthermore, the radiation being emitted is increasing. This watch here seems to have been designed to measure the radiation, and predict when the dimensional bonds breka down."  
  
"So this means he's unstuck?" asked Quinn.  
  
"We don't know," said Dr. Bennish. "Colin Mallory here claims the watch keeps track of the radiation and predicts he will go to the next universe. Whoever built this thing is way ahead of us."  
  
"That's right," I said. "Your duplicates from another world built the watch."  
  
"Well, according to Mr. Mallory here, he'll slide out on his own when the lab is open. We'll get to see."  
  
After a few minutes, we left the conference room. "Well," I said, "will you be able to find my friends?"  
  
"Maybe you should have asked one of my counterparts who is familiar with unstuck matter," said Quinn. "We thought that unstuck matter was just a theory. Most of the staff still doubts your story."  
  
"They can watch me slide out next week," I said.  
  
"We'll do what we can, but we can't make any promises."  
  
That night, I decided to watch the television show Hollywood Detectives. It was on UPN at 8 P.M. and it lasted for an hour. I watched it while drinking a cold Corona. The setting of the show was a police precinct in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. My duplicate played Detective Chuck Connor, who was one of the supporting characters. His character was a womanizing cigar-smoking fellow. The other main cast included Luke Perry, Damon Wayans, Christina Applegate, Vivica A. Fox and Sonny Bono.   
  
The primary focus on the show was the lives of the main characters; the work that they do is simply the backdrop. In the episode I was watching, the detectives learn that a forensic specialist is targeted by killers. The episode is generally lighthearted, although there are a few serious moments.   
  
I never thought I would actually be on the show itself. But then my life since 1998 has been full of day-to-day surprises.   
  
It was on Friday when my visit to this world started to get interested. For the past few days, when I was not being a lab rat, I spent my time browsing through Internet web pages to learn more about the world. There are many references to sliding; sliding was public knowledge here. A contemporary describes exploring other versions of Earth to be more exciting than exploring other worlds in outer space. Indeed, the chief researchers at Slider Research Labs all received Nobel prizes.   
  
Quinn told me that I would have two visitors. I told him that it would not be nice to invite one of my duplicate's fans here, thinking I was the TV star. Quinn said it would be a surprise.  
  
He was right; it was a surprise. One of them was a rather pretty lady with brown hair, who was visibily pregnant. The other was a man in his late twenties with brown hair. He was dressed in a nice sweater, appropriate attire for San Francisco in January.  
  
His face was what I noticed, for it was identical to the face I see in the mirror!  
  
He was as surprised as me, although he must have been expecting to see me.   
  
"I guess you never met an other-dimensional duplicate before," I said, extending my hand. "My name is Colin Mallory."  
  
"Well, that's my name too," he said.   
  
"I can not believe this," said the woman who accompanied this world's version of me. "I know that Quinn told me about parallel universes and that we have counterparts in some of them, but I'd never thought I'd see one of my husband."  
  
"Well, you'd better believe it," said Quinn. "I've done some sliding myself, and I've seen other versions of myself."  
  
"Hello, my name is Molly," the woman said to me. "I'm your..I mean, his wife."  
  
I remembered where I met Molly-or rather, one of her duplicates-before. It was in the previous world. She mistook me for her version of Colin Mallory just before I slid out.   
  
We all sat down at the dining table. "So, Colin," said the native Colin, "tell me about yourself."  
  
So I did. I told him how my brother built a sliding generator, and he took me on a trip through the multiverse with two of our friends. I told him how I got separated about seven months ago, and how I had been sliding without a timer or any external equipment.   
  
"You live an interesting life," he said. "And I thought my life was interesting. You get to see different versions of the same places and the same people and different versions of yourself."  
  
"Tell me about yourself," I said.  
  
"Well, I didn't live as interesting a life as you did, but anyway, I grew up in San Francisco. After graduating from high school, I signed up with an agent in Los Angeles and I moved there. I was acting in low-budget films and small parts on TV shows. I even had a supporting role in some teen movie. The Robotech movie was my big break. I remember when it was on back in the 80's. I've appeared in a few movies and TV shows since, and I landed a regular role in Hollywood Detectives back in the fall of 1998."  
  
"Why did you choose acting?" I asked.  
  
"I wanted to be a basketball star," he said. "But I shattered my knee back in my sophomore year of high school. I decided to take drama classes, and I found a different path. If I hadn't shattered my knee, I would have pursued basketball and never became an Oscar-winning actor. I won best actor back in 1992 for my role in Robotech, you know."  
  
"Well, my experiences showed me there are trillions of possibilities."  
  
"So there's another version of me who's a basketball star."  
  
"Maybe. I've seen or observed other versions of you that were gangster rappers, astronauts, militant Christian terrorists, con artists, and sadistic police state interrogators."  
  
"Well, you've met a lot of asshole versions of you."  
  
"So have you come all the way here to see me?"  
  
"Acually, Molly and I came here to visit our families. And there's a litte favor I'd like to ask of you."  
  
"What?" I asked.   
  
"I;'d like you to take my place for a while."  
  
"What? You can't be serious!"  
  
"What's the problem?" Colin asked. "I have a nice house in Beverly Hills."  
  
"The last time I did that, I got in a lot of trouble. My duplicate was a two-bit crook who wanted me to take the fall for his crimes."  
  
"I assure you that my husband is not a two-bit crook," said Molly. "He calls me whenever he gets a break on the set. He never goes out except with me, so I know he's not cheating. We're asking you this because Colin's work schedule keeps him very busy, and he just wants time to spend with me. And we have a baby on the way, in case you didn't notice."  
  
I looked into Molly's eyes; I could see why my duplicate married her. "Okay, I'll do it," I said. I hoped I wouldn't regret it.  
  
"Pack your bags," said the native Colin. "We'll schedule you for a trip to Beverly Hills tonight."  
  
A Lincoln limousine drove us to San Francisco International Airport. Colin was wearing a hat and sunglasses. "I wear this so fans will not recognize me when I don't want them to," he had said. Anyway, we reached the airport terminal.  
  
"I hoped you booked a flight," I said.  
  
"Listen," said Colin, "Just go to the ticket counter. They'll think you're me, so they will give you a seat as long as you present my credit card."  
  
I looked ahead and saw the counter for Pacific Airways. In my hand was a Discover Platinum Card. "You seem to be too trusting," I said. "I mean, you don;t really know me."  
  
"I had my bank accounts frozen until Saturday of next week," he said. "Only my wife Molly can unfreeze them before then. You are welcome to use my credit card. It has a credit limit of fifty thousand dollars, so don't exceed it or else you'll have nothing left."  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
"take care."  
  
"Watch our house, will you?' asked Molly.  
  
I lined up behind the Pacific Airways ticket counter, and in a few minutes I was at the front.   
  
"Hello," said the lady.   
  
"I'd like an available seat," I said, presenting the Discover Platinum Card.  
  
"Oh," she said, looking at the name and apparently recognizing whom she thought I was. "I can get you a seat-first class. The fliught leaves at 7:30."  
  
I went to the boarding lounge for Pacific Airways. It was small, with a bunch of plastic seats with people sitting in some of them. There were viewscreens showing arrivals and departures. I saw flights heading to Sacramento, Reno, Redding, Crescent City, and Fresno. And I saw Flight 187 which was heading to Los Angeles.  
  
Just before 7:30, I heard the announcement. "Pacific Airways Flight 187 now boarding for Los Angeles," said a voice over the speaker. So I went to the boarding gate and displayed my ticket. I then took my seat in the plane, which was a window seat.  
  
I read the safety brochure, which revealed this plane to be a Boeing 727. I reviewed the procedures for using the emergency slide and the flotation devices.   
  
"All passengers, this is the captain speaking," a voice said over the intercom. "We are ready for takeoof. Please fasten your seatbelts and place all trays and tables into their upright positions."  
  
So that's what I did.   
  
I felt the plane pick up speed and I looked out the window. I could see the airport and itsa surroundings. I saw them become smaller, and I knew the plane was flying into the air. Soon I could see a good portion of the San Francisco peninsula.   
  
"Hey!" one of Flight 187's passengers shouted. "That's Colin Mallory! The guy from Hollywood Detectives! He's here!"  
  
I guessed I was a celebrity.   
  
The flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles took about forty minutes. I could see from my window a huge portion of Los Angeles County, from the Pacific coastline to the San Gabriel Mountains. It was night, and I could see a sea of lights. As the 727 descended, I could see more detail. I could see the outlines of buildings, and I could see moving lights indicating vehicles and roads. I felt a thump as the 727's landing gears touched the runway, and I knew we were on the ground.   
  
The plane hooked up with a jetway at the Pacific Airways terminal in Los Angeles International Airport. The captain announced we could leave. So I exited the plane and walked through the jetway to the boarding gate.   
  
I could hear the click of flashbulbs. I looked and noticed photographers taking pictures of me.   
  
I decided to have dinner at a Burger King located in the airport. After eating my hamburgers and drinking my Coke, I decided to get transportation to my duplicate's home in Beverly Hills. As I walked to the terminal entrance, there were signs advertising places such as Disneyland, the Los Angeles Airport Marriott, Universal Studios, and Blake Museum. The plkace to arrange transportation was near the terminal entrance as I suspected. I saw desks for Hertz and Avis. There were signs advertising taxi and airport shuttles.   
  
I wanted a limousine. There was a desk for LAX Limousine rentals. A caption read, "Get to your hotel (or home) in style!"  
  
"Hello," I said to the receptionist.  
  
"You're that guy on TV!" he exclaimed.  
  
"So I've noticed," I said. I present my duplicate's Discover card. "I want to rent a limo."  
  
And so a black Lincoln limousine was provided for me. It was parked on the curb outside the terminal. I went out and I noticed photographers taking pictures of me.  
  
"Ready to go, sir?" asked the limo driver.  
  
"Sure," I said. I gave him the address of where I wanted to go. I got in and soon the limousine pulled into traffic.   
  
"You didn't pack that much," said the limousine driver.  
  
"I pack light when I travel," I replied.  
  
And so the limousine left the airport and headed north on the San Diego Freeway. The freeway was a little crowded; serviving a major international airport might have something to do with it. After a few minutes, the Lincoln exited on Santa Monica Boulvard and made a right turn. Soon we entered Beverly Hills.   
  
The limousine turned on a residential street. It parked near the address. The house looked familiar, for I had lived in another version of this house about four months ago.   
  
I just hoped that tobacco gangsters would not come looking for me this time around.  
  
I got off and went to the front door of what was now my house. I inserted the key and I unlocked the door. I stepped in and turned on the lights.   
  
The lights revealed a living room whose floor is covered in a white carpet. There are sofas and a coffee table in the middle of the room, and a huge Magnavox color television with a cable box, a Sony VCR, and a Toshiba DVD player connected to it. In the corner was an Aiwa stereo system. I saw some magazines on the coffee table. there was Time, Newsweek, People, and Us. I saw a picture of some fellow named Scott Bakula on the cover of People, which was apparently the most recent issue. Flipping through the pages, I read that Scott Bakula was an actor who had been in the 1989-1996 television series Quantum Leap, and was going to star in some new movie due in summer 2000. I decided to read more magazines; I read in the Us magazine that an actress named Kristen Miller was signed up to be in a movie called Voltron: Defender of the Universe, which was based on an imported cartoon series from Japan.  
  
Exploring the house further, I found a formal dining room with a hand-assembled wooden dining table. A gold candlestrick at on the table. The kitchen was fully stocked, with frozen meats and microwave dinners and vegetables and milk and orange juice and Coca-cola and Budweiser beer.   
  
I went upstairs to explore further. I entered my duplicate's study. The study appeared to be a showcase of the native Colin's performing career. There were posters for movies such as Robotech and Scream and The Siege. A Power Macintosh G4 sat on a compuiter desk together with a LaserWriter printer and a Hewlett Packard Scanjet 2000c and some floppy disks and CD-ROM's. I also looked at a stautue of an Academy Award for Best Actor, awarded for my duplicate's role in the Robotech movie.  
  
I went into the master bedroom. My duplicate and his wife slept in a bed covered with a canopy. A huge TV was in the corner, complete with a Panasonic VCR. As for the bathroom, it was something you would find in a luxury suite in the Chandler or the Dominion.   
  
I lay on the bed and decided to turn on the television. This television had cable, so I tuned in to Fox News. I watched a report about the upcoming trial of the Reverend Paul Hill, who is suspected of leading the terrorist group the Sword of the Lord and masterminding the 1996 Academy Awards bombing which killed thirty people.   
  
After watching a few more news shows, I decided to check out the Cartoon Network. It showed this cartoon show called Voltron. I remembered reading in a magazine that a live-action version was going to be filmed. Anyway, the show was about a princess and four fighter pilots who flew robot lions that could combine into one mighty robot called Voltron. Anyway, their enemies were an invading alien army who had these giants called robeasts. There were two episodes and each one ended with Voltron destroying the robeast.   
  
Anyway, there was not much else, so I decided to cook a Stouffer's microwave macaroni and cheese for my dinner before I went to sleep.   
  
It was on Monday that I first arrived on the set of Hollywood Detectives. From what I found, the show is taped at Sunset-Gower Studios in the Hollywood neighborhood of Los Angeles, and I, or rather my duplicate, was scheduled for rehearsal and filming tomorrow aty 7:30 AM.   
  
I skimmed the Los Angeles Times, which was delivered to this house every day. the only thing of note that I reads was that King Leonard of the United States of America had just left to meet with the Emperor of China. I decided to take the newspaper with me.  
  
I went into my duplicate's car, a silver Mercedes. I started the engine and drove off to the studio.   
  
There were no freeways between Beverly Hills and Hollywood, so I had to drive down Sunset Boulevard all the way there. The studio was located at the cornet of Sunset Boulevard and Gower Street. I pulled in to a parking garage.   
  
"Hello, Mr. Mallory," the parking attendant said. "Here for another day of shooting?"  
  
"Yeah," I said.   
  
I parked into one of the reserve spaces, since there was a permit attached to the windshield of the Mercedes. I got out and locked the car and walked outside.  
  
The studio consisted of sound stages and production offices. I could see various people walking to various places. I saw a catering truck parked in some courtyard. I looekd around the palce, hoping to familiarize myself.   
  
"Hey Colin," someone said. I turned my head and saw a bald Negro man whom I recognize as Damon Wayans, one of the regular cast members on the show.  
  
"Hi," I said. "I'm ready when you are."  
  
"Well, it's time to earn our keep. We'd better see the director."  
  
We all met in one of the sound stages-me, the regular cast, the guest cast members who would be appear in the scenes being filmed, the camera crew, and the directors and producers. We were all given scripts for this episode that was being filmed.   
  
"Here are your scripts," said the director, whose name was Angus Rickman. "I;ve outlined the scenes to be rehearsed. We'll rehearse and film the on-set scenes first, asnd the on-location scenes will be done later this week."  
  
I read through the whole script. Apparently, the episode dealt with a college student dying from an Ecstasy overdose. Because of the filming locations in the studio and at the University of Southern California campus, the scenes will be shot out of order from the way they will appear when the episode is finally broadcast.  
  
"Well, Mallory," said Rickman. "You'll start the rehersal of your scene right now with Miss von Oy here."  
  
"I'm going first?" I asked. "Well, okay."  
  
"This is gonna be great!" said my costar int he scene, whose name was Jenna von Oy. She was a short lady with long brown hair and she was dressed in a USC sweatshirt.  
  
We were led to this set which was decorated as a classroom. We would film here in the afternoon. Both Jenna von Oy and I had our scripts.   
  
"I remember seeing you in that Robotech movie," she said. "You know, I used to watch the cartoon when I was a kid. It was such a romantic..."  
  
"That's not part of the script, Jenna," said Rickman. "Now let's take some camera angles to see which would look best for filming." I had my script in hand, ready to read. "And go."  
  
I took out a prop, which was a mock police badge. "LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"  
  
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy, reading from her script. "What's this about?"  
  
"Do you know Billy Dean?"  
  
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."  
  
"You mean he's dead?"  
  
"Yes, I'm afraid so."  
  
"Oh. Well, that sucks."  
  
"Did Billy Dean have a reputation for drug use?"  
  
"Not that I know of."  
  
"You were at the party where he overdosed. Did you see him use any drugs?"  
  
"No, but then I wasn't checking to see if he did any drugs. I'd better be going, Detective. Is there anything else?"  
  
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch."  
  
"And cut!" shouted Rickman. He approached. "Colin, there seems to be a problem."  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"You act so, so wooden. That may be fine when you;re playing Pinnochio, but you;re playing Chuck Connor, the hip, cool detective who always macs on the ladies."  
  
"How do I mac on the ladies?" I asked.  
  
"I can't believe you asked that. You won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1992. What happened to your acting ability?"  
  
"This is a rehearsal."  
  
"You do much better than that in your rehearsals. We'll do this scene again. Colin, pretend that you're talking to your wife and you haven't seen her and you want some."  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
"And action!"  
  
"LAPD. Are you Lucy Moody?"  
  
"You know, Mallory," said Luke Perry,"That was such a piss-poor performance. It makes me wonder how you could possibly win an Oscar."  
  
"Yeah," said Damon Wayans. "You need to have that spark."  
  
I was sitting down on a table for lunch with the cast. Beef and vegetables was being served. I had a can of Coca-cola to drink.   
  
"Are you having any personal problems?" asked Christina Applegate. "I mean, being an big-time actor can put a strain on your schedule and I know you're married."  
  
"Colin," asked Vivica A. Fox, "have you gotten some from your wife recently?"  
  
"No," I said, which was definitely the truth.  
  
"Well," said Sonny Bono, who played Detective Lieutenant Rooney, "it's easy to understand; Mrs. Mallory is pregnant. Lovin' was scarce when my wife had a baby coming."  
  
"I think you should spend some time with your wife," said Damon Wayans.   
  
"Yes, I agree," I said.   
  
"Well, I suggest you practice your scene with your costar," said Luke Perry. "We're about to start filming after lunch break.  
  
So that's what I did.  
  
It was time to actually film the scene I was rehearsing earlier, so I had to get dressed. My duplicate had his own private trailer. I noticed some paperback books; I guessed he came to to read during his break. My character was dressed in a sophisticated stylish business suit. I finished buttoning my coat when it was time to get on the set.  
  
I went into the sound stage and into the mockup classroom that was built. I noticed a lot more people in there; I figured they were extras. They were all college students, and they appeared to be between eighteen and thirty years of age. The crew was getting ready to film the scene. A huge boom mike was held right above my head.   
  
What I had to do was simple. On action, I would walk onto the set and talk to Jenna von Oy just as she and the others gets up off their desks.   
  
"I hope you do this right," said Jenna von Oy.  
  
"Quiet on set!" shouted Angus Rickman. "Roll tape."  
  
"A marker," someone said.   
  
"B marker," someone else said.  
  
"Background," said the director. "And action!"  
  
"LAPD," I said. "Are you Lucy Moody?"  
  
"Yeah," replied Jenna von Oy. "What's this about?"  
  
"Do you know Billy Dean?"  
  
"I had a class with him last semester. I've seen him at parties. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, he just overdosed on Ecstasy."  
  
"You mean he's dead?"  
  
"Yes, I'm afraid so."  
  
"Cut! Cut!" shouted Rickman. "Colin, you act like as if you are reading from a damn instruction manual. Chuck Connor is supposed to have passion. I suyggest instead of reading the words, feel the words.Let's try this again, one more time."  
  
Once again everything is set, and then Director Rickman shouted action.  
  
"LAPD," I said. "Are you...uh, are you..uh, what's your name?"  
  
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.  
  
"You said I should not read the words."  
  
"But you're supposed to know them!"  
  
"So let's try this again, shall we?" asked Rickman.  
  
Action was called, and I walked over to her. I reached into my pocket, but I couldn't find my badge.   
  
then it hit me, or rather, I hit her. She fell into one of the extras who had been sitting behind her and just gotten up.  
  
"Cut!" shouted Rickman.  
  
"Maybe we should include this in the scene," someone said. "We could use comedy relief."  
  
Jenna von Oy picked up the guy whom she knoeced over after I knocked her over. He looked familiar somehow.  
  
"I know you," I said to him. "you worked at Prudential."  
  
"Uh, no," he said.  
  
"Well, you look like him."  
  
"And you look like that Chuck Connor guy on TV."  
  
"You see, Colin," said Jenna von Oy. "He could act better than you are acting now. This was my first scene with an Oscar-winning actor, but judging by your performance, I can't see how you were even nominated."  
  
I could tell she was quite frustrated.  
  
"Let's start this again," said Rickman. "And action!"  
  
"Yes. If you come up with something, we can discuss it, preferably over lunch," I said.   
  
"And cut!" shouts Rickman. "Let's review what we have and use what at least is acceptable." The director walked to me. "Mallory, what is wrong with you. Your acting is so out of line with what I've come to expect from you. Now you won an Oscar, damnit!"   
  
"I guess I'm not really myself," I said.   
  
"At least your character won't be in any of the other scenes being filmed today. I suggest you shape up." 


	3. MTV Movie Awards

I decided to have my dinner at a fine Italian restaurant in Beverly Hills. I had been in another version of this restaurant about five months ago. The layout was the same, and some of the waiters even looked familiar. People definitely were noticing me, on account that I look identical to a famous TV star.   
  
A waiter brought me a menu, which looked the same as the last time I was in a version of this restaurant. I decided to order the veal parmigiana.  
  
Some garlic breadsticks and a Caesar salad were served in the begining. The breadsticks had a marinara dipping sauce. I spent the next few minutes eating the breadsticks and salad before the dinner entree came.   
  
It was veal parmigiana, served with spaghetti. The veal was covered in mozzarella cheese. and it was certainly cooked well. It cost about twenty dollars, all paid from my duplicate's Discover card. There was so much of it, I could not finish it all! But I do like eating well. After all, it is not very often I could take the place of a wealthy duplicate. I just hoped I did not get into any trouble.  
  
Of course, in nearly two years of sliding, trouble was something I was very familiar with.   
  
After paying my bill, I got up to get into the Mercedes and drive home. As I left, I saw many bright flashes and heard many clicks. It appeared that photographers had gathered to take my picture. I guess they wanted to sell these to the tabloids. Well anyway, I got into the Mercedes and drove to the house where I was staying, which was only a few blocks from the Italian restaurant.   
  
When I got to the house on Hillcrest Drive, I turned on the TV. There was a football game on, as NFL teams were playing in order to get into the Super Bowl at the last weekend of January. I decided to read some of my counterpart's mail. Most of it was junk mail, trying to convince me to buy stuff such as vacuum cleaners or stereo systems or a day at a spa. Some were private letters from friends, and I decided to leave them alone. They certainly were not meant for me.  
  
I did read one piece of mail that was interesting. I opened a letter, and it was a confirmation to attend the MTV Movie Awards tomorrow in Long Beach.   
  
I went up to the study and turned on the Power Macintosh G4. Within minutes, I did a Google search on the MTV Movie Awards using the Netscape program. it turned out that my counterpart from this world had won awards from the MTV Movie Awards twice, and even appeared on the show. and he was being invited to present an award for this year.   
  
I could go in his stead. After all, I look identical to him, and most of the people there would think I am their Colin Mallory.   
  
I spent the rest of the night watching the football game and drinking beer, and then I went to sleep.  
  
"I hope we don't have a repeat of what happened yesterday," said Angus Rickman. "You did shape up."  
  
"Well, I'll do better this time," I said.  
  
I was back on the set of Hollywood detectives. This scene is supposed to be filmed in the office where the detectives supposedly work. The set had some desks and mock office equipment. I noticed a wanted poster posted on a bulletin board. In this scene, I was to speak to Lieutenant Rooney about the case. The lieutenant is played by the veteran actor Sonny Bono.   
  
"I hope you're feeling better, Colin," said Sonny Bono.   
  
'Well, okay Sonny," I said. "I'll do my best."  
  
"Okay, let's rehearse!" shouted Rickman. "A marker! B marker! And action!"  
  
"Well, at least you're getting better," said Christina Applegate as we ate lunch together. "What was wrong with you yesterday?"  
  
"I was going through a lot," I said.  
  
"Well, maybe you should take to your woman," said Vivica A. Fox.   
  
"Well, tonight I'll be going to the MTV Movie Awards," I said.  
  
"That's great!" said Damon Wayans. "My brother Keenen will be also on that show too. He's gonna present the award for best actor."  
  
"If I remember, you presented an award for Best Actor at the 1994 awards," said Luke Perry.  
  
"So I've read," I said. "You know, this acting thing really isn't so hard. I mean, I should have taken acting."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" asked Sonny Bono.  
  
I just remembered I was discussing my life and not the life of the man whom I was replacing. "Well, I never took college acting classes. Maybe I could have learned something."  
  
"Well, that Oscar you got proved how talented you can be," said Luke Perry.   
  
And so it happened. I went to the MTV Movie Awards which was currently held at the Long Beach Convention Center in Long Beach. I rented a limousine and I wore a tuxedo which fit me perfectly. I got out of the Lincoln limousine, and photographers took pictures of me.  
  
I noticed that security was tight. I had heard something about a princess attending the event. I was, of course, checked by security people wearing suits.   
  
I looked around and saw more limousines and various celebrities stepped out. I recognized some of them due to the fact I was familar with their counterparts in other worlds, and there were some that I did not recognize at all. The celebrities all smiled at the cameras. The men were wearing suits or tuxedoes, while the women wore a wide variety of dresses.   
  
And then there was one person whom I recognized. I had been sliding with one of his counterparts for over a year!  
  
He was Rembrandt Brown, and he was apparently still a popular celebrity on this Earth. I noticed him smile as photographers took pictures and TV news crews tried to get a glimpse of the star. Rembrant was dressed in a black tux with a red bowtie.   
  
I went to the convention center's reception room. It was huge! there were tables serving all kinds of appetizers. A bar served alcoholic beverages.   
  
"Mr. Mallory," someone said to me. "So tell me how you feel about presenting one of the awards."  
  
"Well, it's cool," I said. "I like doing it."  
  
Then the reporter decided to interview some pretty blond-haired lady. I looked around. I noticed people like Calista Flockhart and Bruce Willis and Heath Ledger.   
  
After a few minutes, it was time for the awards ceremony to start.   
  
Rembrandt Brown opened the awards ceremony along with some musical artist named Jewel. The program identified Rembrandt as the host.   
  
"Hello, my name is Rembrandt Brown," he said.   
  
"And my name is Jewel," she said.  
  
"And we are proud to introduce the 2000 MTV Movie Awards," they said in unison.  
  
I sat and my seat and clapped along with the rest of the audience. This awards show is to last three hours, and variousd celebrities would present awards for various categories. The winner would then make a speech. As I read in the program, best actor, actress, director, and movie will be shown last. I noted that a fellow named Keenen Ivory Wayans will present the award for Best Actor; he must be Damon Wayans's brother.   
  
Of course, in between there were musical performance from various musical artists, some of whom I had heard of. I heard Snoop Doggy Dogg perform; he mentioned that he grew up in Long Beach.   
  
And then it was my turn to present an award. As always, a man and a woman would present the award together. In my case, an actress named Andrea Parker would present the award along with me. She was dressed in a black satin dress which matched her dark hair.  
  
"Now," said Rembrandt Brown, "presenting the next award is Colin Mallory, the star of Hollywood Detectives, and Andrea Parker, the star of JAG."  
  
Andrea Parker and I both went up to the podium, smiling as photographers took our pictures.   
  
"Hello, I am Colin Mallory," I said.  
  
"And I am Andrea Parker," she said.  
  
"And we are here to present the award for Best Chase Scene," we said.  
  
Rembrandt Brown went over the nominees for Best Chase Scene. There were eleven total.  
  
I had the envelope in my pocket. "And the winner is," I said, opening the envelope and taking out the slip of paper which identified the movie that won this award.   
  
"Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace," said Andrea Parker.   
  
More pictures were taken, and the guy who produced that movie came on stage. His name was identified as George Lucas. He made a speech of how proud he was to have designed that chase scene. He also hoped that his movie would win the award for Best Movie.  
  
After that, I took my seat and the awards show went into commercial break.   
  
The awards show lasted for about another hour after I presented the Best Chase Scene Award. Rembrandt Brown gave us a musical performance. I noted Keenen Ivory Wayans presenting the Best Actor award to Heath Ledger for his role in the movie White Rose.   
  
Then the awards ceremony was over. We all clapped. Photographers snapped more pictures.   
  
There was, of course, a post-awards party. It was held at the Hyatt Regency near the Convention Center. I decided to go so I could check out the scene, I could not have known the directions on which it would take me.  
  
The post-awards party was held in one of the ballrooms at the Hyatt Regency. I noted all the extra-security; I guessed that no one wanted a repeat of the 1996 Academy Awards bombing. I saw a whole bunch of celebrities there. Various appetizers were being served. Music was being played.  
  
"Hello," said a bald Negro man. I recognized him as Kennen Ivory Wayans. "I watch your show every week."  
  
"I'm glad you appreciate the show," I said. "The cast and crew put in a lot of effort."  
  
"You must know that I'm Damon's brother," he said. "I just got word that I'll be cast as a guest star in an episode later this season, so we'll be working together."  
  
"That depends," I said.  
  
I decided to get myself a Budweiser beer. After I sipped my beer, I saw a whole bunch of people enter the ballroom. I recognized one of them.  
  
"Maggie," I said, approaching her. "What are you doing here? I'm so glad I..."  
  
"Halt!" she said. I looked at her and noticed she was wearing a uniform, with the emblem of the U.S. Secret Service on the shoulder. I realized that she was the Maggie Beckett native to this world.  
  
"Excuse me," I said. "I mistook you for someone else."  
  
"I recognize you," a female voice said. "You're on that TV show Hollywood Detectives."  
  
Her figure was obsucred by these Secret Service agents. Then I got a look at her. She was tall, with auburn hair flowing to her waist. She had a smile that revealed that her teeth were cleaned every month. She was wearing a pink dress and a tiara on her head.  
  
"Well, I was on that show just today," I said.  
  
"Do you not recognize her?" asked Maggie. "You are speaking to Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Sophia."  
  
Princess? That explained all these Secret Service agents.   
  
I kneeled down before the woman. "Your Highness, I am Colin Mallory," I said.  
  
"Get up," the princess replied. "I am Crown Princess Sophia, first in line for the throne of the United States of America. It is a pleasure to meet you."  
  
"Same to you, your Highness."  
  
"I'd like to join you, with your permission of course."  
  
"Is that safe, my lady?" asked Maggie.  
  
"It's okay," I said. "I don't mind the company."  
  
"So, Colin, tell me a bit about yourself."  
  
So I did. It took me a few minutes to do so.  
  
"Well, you've led an interesting life," she said. "What led you into acting?"  
  
"Well, I just found an opportunity, and I took it. I'm getting the hang of it."  
  
"I heard you won an Oscar. How did it make you feel?"  
  
"Well, I guess I'd have felt proud of myself, you know."  
  
"You know, you're an interesting person. Why don't I get you a drink?"  
  
"Okay. How can I refuse a princess?"  
  
So she got me a drink; it was vodka mixed with cranberry juice. And it certainly tasted good. "Thank you," I said. "It was very sweet of you."  
  
"Well, I am taking a little vacation."  
  
"What is it like being a princess, aside from waiting to be crowned queen?"  
  
"For most of the week, I travel. I would often visit places in country and abroad. Two weeks ago I visited my cousins in the British royal family; it was nice to see William and Harry, they have grown so much. It can be very tiring sometimes; I do appreciate the vacations. Just think when I become queen; I'd also be chief executive and chief ambassador and commander-in-chief of the armed forces."  
  
"Well, at least you won't live a boring life. Kind of how my life is now."  
  
"You're a fun person, Colin. Shall we dance?"  
  
So that is what we did. We danced to this song by Whitney Houston. I had learned a few lessons in dancing over the past two years or so. I remember Maggie-the one I slid with, not the Secret Service Agent-giving me lessons. After a few minutes, we stopped.   
  
You're an awesome dancer, Colin," said the princess. " Let me tell you what. I'm going to invite you to my hospitality suite in the hotel."  
  
"I would be honored, your Highness."  
  
I figured it was a good time to talk to the others in the after-party. I decided to munch on some crackers. I noted the princess talking to the other guests. She seemed confident. I noticed a strength in her eyes.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Mallory," a deep male voice said to me.  
  
I turned and looked at an older man in a tuxedo. "Yes, is there anything?"  
  
"I'm Jack Nicholson, actor and producer," he said. "I presented you with your Academy Award for Best Actor back in 1993."  
  
"So you say," I said.  
  
"I'm going to produce this movie. I would like to know if you are interested in the starring role."  
  
"Well, I'll consider it, Mr. Nicholson. You can send the script to my agent."  
  
"So, will you be willing to do it?"  
  
"I can't make any promises." Which was true, since I did not want to put my duplicate into any trouble.  
  
I decided to go to Princess Sophia's hospitality suite. It was on one of the top floors of the Hyatt Regency. I was, of course, searched by the Secret Service before being allowed to enter.  
  
The place was huge. There was a living room in front, and I could see the door that led to the bedroom and the bathroom. There were coffee tables and sofas. I noted the mood was more quiet here that at the ballroom. A wet bar served various alcoholic beverages.  
  
"Your Highness," I said, greeting the princess. "I'm glad to be here."  
  
"Call me Sophia," she said. "This is a private function."  
  
"Okay, Sophia," I said.   
  
"Have a seat on the couch."  
  
So we sat on the couch together. "Tell me more about yourself," she said.   
  
"You want to know the truth?" I asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
So I told her the truth. I told her I was from a parallel universe, and I was subsituting for this world's Colin Mallory.  
  
"That is an interesting tale you told," she said. "It would make a good TV series. So how did you manage to replace your counterpart?"  
  
"I looked for my brother's counterpart, and he worked at Slider Research Labs in San Francisco. They experiment with wormholes to parallel Earths. He introduced me to his brother, and we decided that I will take his place temporarily. You can take a trip to San Francisco and visit the lab for yourself."  
  
Sophia sipped her drink. "Well, tell me more about your world. Is there a United States of America there?"  
  
"Yes," I replied. "Its form of government is different than here. It is ruled by a republic. Voters elect their leaders. Pat Buchanan was President of the United States when I left."  
  
"A republic," said Princess Sophia. "Just like the one in Greece."  
  
"There are trillions of possibilities. Spo, tell me more about yourself."  
  
"Well, I was born in the Bethseda Naval Hospital in Maryland. I lived in Richmond Palace for the first ten years of my life. I moved to Castle America when my father was crowned king in 1982."  
  
"I thought he was crowned in 1985," I said. "Oh, that must have been a different King Leonard."  
  
"Let's toast to parallel universes."  
  
and we did. We started talking more about ourselves and what we saw and heard and felt. I could feel a connection with her. I felt as if I could discuss anything with her.   
  
Finally, the party in the suite died down, and most of the guests left. Princess Sophia was clearly ready to retire.  
  
"Will you come inside with me?" she asked. "I'd like to talk."  
  
"Okay," I said.   
  
So we went inside and we talked some more. We watched the television together. We were there for at least an hour.  
  
"Well, I should be going now," I said, standing in front of Sophia. I decided to kiss her good night.  
  
Then she decided to kiss me back. Passions were being aroused in my very being. I wanted her.  
  
The next minute, we were in bed. 


	4. Colin and the Princess

I woke up, but I was not in the master bedroom in my duplicate's Beverly Hills home. I was instead in a bed in a suite in the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Long Beach, with American Crown Princess Sophia sleeping next to me.   
  
"Good morning," she said.   
  
"Good morning, Sophia," I replied. I looked at the time. "I have work today."  
  
"Perhaps we can have breakfast together before you leave for work."  
  
I checked the time on the Panasonic clock radio on a small table next to the bed. "Sure, if it is for thirty minutes."  
  
So that is what we did, eat breakfast. The Hyatt served a continental breakfast downstairs in the lobby. I ate with the princess, watched by a handful of Secret Service agents. I had Frosted Flakes cereal, scrambled eggs, some pastry, and orange juice.  
  
"How did you end up traveling through parallel worlds?" asked Sophia.  
  
"Well, around the time I was born, there was a war on my world," I said. "My parents sent me to live with their duplicates. It was not until about two years ago that I encountered my brother and he took me on a trip."  
  
"And where is your brother now?"  
  
"I don't know; I somehow got separated from him. As it turns out, I also now travel from one universe to the next on my own without a timer or anything."  
  
"I'm sure your brother is all right out there."  
  
"Tell me about your family."  
  
"Well, I'm the oldest of three. I have a younger brother, Prince James, and a younger sister, Princess Kathleen. And of course I have my aunts and uncles and cousins, not to mention my parents."  
  
"You must have some friends," I said.  
  
"Yes, although I spend very little time with them, with me being a crown princess and all. Needless to say, I don't have much time for a love life."  
  
I sipped the last of my orange juice. "Well, I will need to be going now. I'm expected on set."  
  
"Of course. Colin, I'm currently on vacation now. I want to see you as often as I can before I get too busy."  
  
And so the princess offered me a ride back to Beverly Hills. I got dressed and drove the Mercedes to the shooting location, which was in the University of Southern California, just south of downtown Los Angeles. Signs indicated where I would park the car. There was a shuttle that took me to the holding area for the cast.   
  
The production crew set up shop inside one of the classrooms near the USC Student Union, where the scene is supposed to be filmed. I caught up with Angus Rickman, who was wearing a sweater with the logo for the Who, a British rock band.   
  
"Hello, Mallory," said Rickman. "Glad you can make it."  
  
"How was the MTV Movie Awards?" asked Luke Perry, who will also be shooting on this location.  
  
"It was fun," I said. "I got to meet all those celebrities."  
  
One of Rickman's aides handed me a copy of a script. Apparently, my character and Perry's character would be walking together and then talk to one of the students in front of the USC Student Union. I read that some fellow named Josh Hartnett would play the student. He actually had a significant role in the episode.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll be working with the two of you," said Josh Hartnett.   
  
"That's right," I said. "You know, I am getting the hang of this."  
  
"I heard you got together with the princess."  
  
I was surprised. "How did you hear that?"  
  
"It was on Entertainment Morning; they said that some witnesses saw you come into the princess's private suite but did not see you come out."  
  
"Enough of the chatter," said Rickman. "We'll need to do this reading."  
  
So that's what we did.  
  
Eventually, we were scheduled to actually film the scene. The first part would have me and Luke Perry walking to the front of the student union. Then we would speak to Josh Hartnett.   
  
Perry and I were both dressed in suits and we stood a few yards from the student union. A Panaflex camera was placed on some wheels and the cameraman would roll it back as we walked to the student union. There were a bunch of people in their early-to-mid twenties playing college students; I recognized some of them from that classroom scene I had with Jenna von Oy.   
  
The crew was finished setting up all the cameras and lamps for this shot.   
  
"Okay everybody, let's get started!" shouted Rickman.  
  
"Rolling," said the cameraman.  
  
"A marker," someone said.  
  
"B marker," someone elese said.  
  
"Background," someone else said.  
  
"And action!" yelled Rickman.  
  
"Well, here we are back in college," said Luke Perry as we walked to the student union. "It sure brings back memories."  
  
"Twenty memories, to be exact," I said. "Each and every one of them was swe-eet."  
  
"I figured your major would be Sex Ed."  
  
"Well, maybe I could get together with one of these ladies."  
  
"They're about a decade younger than you."  
  
"I've had someone a decade older. She was a professor."  
  
"You dated a professor when you were a student? Well, we'll discuss this later. Let's get to business."  
  
"And cut!" shouted Rickman."Let's reset."  
  
So we did the scene again a few more times. After that, we had a lunch break and then we would film the scene with Josh Hartnett.  
  
"You know," I said, eating my garlic chicken, "It's a good thing the school made this space available for us."  
  
"The spring semester starts next week," said Luke Perry. "Besides, we paid the school a lot of money to use their campus."  
  
After lunch was over, we filmed the second scene, with Josh Hartnett. Once again, the crew set up their equipment and stuff.   
  
"Rolling!" shouted the cameraman.  
  
"A marker," someone said.  
  
"B marker," someone else said.  
  
"Background," someone else said.  
  
"And action!" yelled Rickman.  
  
I walked over to the plastic table where Josh Hartnett was sitting.  
  
"Excuse me, Pete Baker?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," replied Josh Hartnett.  
  
"I'm Detective Chuck Connor, LAPD. This is Detective John LeBlanc. We'd like to ask you a few questions about the rave last night."  
  
"Well, I handed out flyers on campus advertising it."  
  
"Did you know that drugs would be served?" I asked.  
  
"Well, it's a rave. Of course drugs will be dealt. But why are you asking this?"  
  
"A student from the school died of an Ecstasy overdose," said Luke Perry. "His name was Billy Dean."  
  
"Never heard of him," said Josh Hartnett.  
  
"Do you know anyone who deals drugs at these events?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know. Listen, I'll have to get to class now."  
  
"We'll be keeping in touch, Baker," said Luke Perry. "We may ask you some more questions later." Both of us walked to the next mark. "I think he knows more than he's admitting. We should take a closer look at his background."  
  
"And cut!" shouted Rickman.   
  
After filming the scenes at USC, we wrapped and I went back to the house in Beverly Hills. I decided to get settled in for the evening.   
  
The telephone rang and I answered it. "Hello," I said.  
  
"Colin, it's me," said my duplicate. "How are things going over there?"  
  
"Well, I've taken your job and I'm actually getting a hang of this acting thing after a rocky start."  
  
"Well, I saw you on the MTV Movie Awards last night. You were perfect."  
  
"So how are you doing?"  
  
"Well, I've been spending time with Molly and my family. They are doing fine."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that."  
  
"Well, family is important. I'm just so glad to be able to take this time away from work. Molly and I will check up on you again."  
  
And then he hung up the phone. I turned on the television in the living room and I had just gotten settled into the couch when the phone rang again.  
  
"Yes," I said as I answered.  
  
"It's me, Princess Sophia," said a female voice on the other side. "What are you doing now?"  
  
"Just hanging here at the house I'm staying," I said.  
  
"I'd love to see you. We could go out together."  
  
"It's a date then. Are you going to pick me up?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood Crown Princess Sophia with her Secret Service detail.   
  
"Shall we go?" she asked.  
  
"Definitely," I replied. I extended my hand and she took it and led me to the black Lincoln limousine parked next to the curb.  
  
We went to a sports bar and grill located on Burton Way in Beverly Hills, not far from the house. I ride in the limousine with Sophia, accompanied by Maggie Beckett and another Secret Service agent.   
  
Sophia wanted a down-to-earth place to eat out, so we came here. The floors were made of wood. There were logos for various sports teams deocrating the place, and the servers all wore polo shorts with the logo of the sports bar printed on them. The televisions in the bar showed various sports such as basketball and hockey and soccer and football and some sports I am not familiar with. We sat down around a table for two, while Maggie and the Secret Service agents sat at another table where they could keep an eye on us.  
  
I took a leather-bound menu and read through it. The bar served a wide variety of food and stuff.   
  
"Well, shall we order?" asked Sophia.   
  
We ordered, starting with mozzarella sticks for the appetizer. I always liked the mozzarella sticks. My entree was a New York steak served with vegetables and white cheddar mashed potatoes and horse radish sauce. I savored every bite, as I do not eat well that much.   
  
I spoke to Sophia about my adventures from sliding across parallel universes. She told me more about what she does in her role as a princess.   
  
Then I noted flashes. I saw that some people had spotted Sophia, and were taking pictures. I noticed that other people were taping us with video cameras.  
  
"Not a lot of privacy," I said.   
  
"Well, I am a princess," said Sophia. "I've been used to this since I was a little girl."  
  
Then I heard some tone. Sophia took out a cellular phone and answered it. "Hello there....You're back already?...Well, welcome back to the United States...Well, I'm vacationing in California; I'll come to visit you when I return to Alberton."  
  
"Who was that?" I asked.  
  
"It was my father King Leonard," said Sophia. "He told me that Air Force One had just landed at Andrews. He had been in China since Sunday, and now he's returned."  
  
"Do you live with the king?"  
  
"I live in Richmond Palace, the official residence of whoever is the crown prince or princess. I lived there when my father was the crown prince, and I moved back there when I was eighteen. I only spend half of the time there, since I travel a lot on official business."  
  
"Well, I travel a lot too."  
  
After finishing our dinner, we headed back to the house where I was staying. We decided to watch some television. We both watched this television show called South Park, which was an animated show about four children living in Colorado. It was funny, and at the end, some kid named Kenny died.  
  
After that, we both went to bed.  
  
The next morning came as a surprise. Sophia decided to stay for breakfast. I noticed the Secret Service being camped out just outside the house as I was picking up the Los Angeles Times. I scanned it for various events happening around the world, not to mention the sports scores in the Sports section.  
  
It was the Calendar section which caught my attention.   
  
Inside, there was a full-page story which noted that Crown Princess Sophia was spotted hanging around Colin Mallory, an actor who is a member of the regular cast of the television series Hollywood Detectives. Witnesses saw Colin Mallory enter the princess's private suite in the Long Beach Hyatt Regency after the MTV Movie Awards, and they were spotted at a bar in Beverly Hills. the story noted that Colin Mallory was married.  
  
Sophia read the story. "It seems we're a news item now," she said.   
  
I decided to turn on the television. The show Entertainment Morning was on. It was then that I saw the front story.  
  
It was about an extramarital affair between Colin Mallory and Princess Sophia. There was video footage of us getting together at the post-awards party at the Hyatt Regency in Long Beach and at a sports bar in Beverly Hills. The show noted there were no comments from Colin Mallory's agent, or the princess's staff.   
  
"Oh no," said Princess Sophia. "what have I done? I was with a married man."  
  
"I'm not married," I said. "I'm from a parallel universe; my counterpart on this world is the one who is married."  
  
"And how do I know that?" asked Sophia. "How do I know you didn't spin a story just so you can do a princess?"  
  
"And I should ask you why you were willing to hop in bed with someone you just met. You have access to the Secret Service, the FBI, and the CIA. You don't do background checks on men whom you date?"  
  
"you;re making this about me?"  
  
"Listen," I said, touching her arm.  
  
"Don't touch me!" she shouted.  
  
"Okay," I said. "Look up Quinn Mallory; that's the brother of this world's Colin Mallory. You will find that he works in Slider Research Labs, and that he can prove what I said is true."  
  
"Well, I have to go now, whomever you are. I have a royal reputation to salvage."  
  
As soon as Sophia left, the telephone rang. I answered it. "Hello," I said.  
  
"It's me, Colin," said the native Colin Mallory.  
  
"What have you been up to?"  
  
"Well, I know what you have been up to. How could you be screwing around with a woman, the Crown Princess of America no less, in public. The news media is going to make this their top story for the rest of the year. I have a reputation too, you know. I one of the few stars in Hollywood who don't cheat on their wives!"  
  
"I can explain."  
  
"Just shut up!" he shouted. And then he hung up the phone.  
  
I sat down, and I realized how wrong I was. I've gotten in trouble on the basis that I looked like my duplicates, but I never got a duplicate into trouble. I was borrowing his life; I should have been responsible.  
  
I felt like kicking myself.  
  
I went to the set for some more filming later that day. I was able to pull it off, but I didn't talk much to my costars. They too, have heard about how I was dating a princess.  
  
When I drove back to the house that day, the car radio was tuned to the John and Ken show on KFI AM 640. Their topic of the day was, of course,my so-called affair with Sophia. They mentioned that I had complained that many celebrities were unfaithful, and they mentioned how I was a hypocrite. Most of the show's callers called to tell me I was like a scumbag, although there were a few who tried to justify a married man having an affair with a princess.   
  
The TV news was also about me and Sophia. It seems I made national news. Castle America, of course, was not commenting on the affair, although reporters kept asking King Leonard about it when he held a press conference about his business with the Chinese Emperor.  
  
Then the phone rang. I wondered if this was a sales call or something. I answered.  
  
"it's me, Sophia," a feamle voice said.  
  
"I hope this isn't a crank call," I replied.  
  
"Colin, I know you said you were from a parallel universe. We need to sort things out."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'll be taking a trip to San Francisco tomorrow on board Air Force Two. I want you to accompany me."  
  
so that was what I did.  
  
Air Force Two was parked at the Los Alamitos Armed Forces Reserve Center in Los Alamitos, California. It was a modified Boeing 747. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA was printed along the fuselage.   
  
I boarded the 747, aloing with Sophia and her Secret Service detail. I heard Maggie Beckett barking orders to make sure the princess is secure. We sat down in wide, confortable seats located in a luxurious cabin fit for royalty.  
  
"Air Force Two refers to any Air Force craft I'm a passenger in," said Sophia. "Unless the king is on board, which would make it Air Force One."  
  
After a few minutes, I felt Air Force Two take off, and then I looked out the window and saw the Pacific Ocean.  
  
It only took about forty minutes to reach San Francisco. Air Force Two landed at Alameda Naval Air Station. Once we were down, we boarded a U.S. Navy helicopter which took us to the San Francisco Harbor.  
  
After landing at the harbor helipad, we walked on over to the building where Slider Research Labs is located. The security guard was surprised to see Sophia.  
  
"Your Highness," he said. "What brings you here?"  
  
"I am here to see Quinn Mallory," she said. "He is expecting me."  
  
"I'll send you and your people in, my lady."  
  
I noticed he did not notice whom I am. I guess Sophia gets more attention as a princess.   
  
We walked through the halls and to the conference room where the security guard directed us. There I saw Quinn, with his white lab coat over his black shirt.  
  
"Your Highness," he said as he bowed before Sophia.  
  
"What's this about?" I asked.  
  
"It's about me and your companion," a familiar voice said.  
  
I turned and saw this world's Colin Mallory.  
  
"Hello," I said.  
  
"I am pleased to meet you, Mr. Mallory," said Sophia.  
  
"It is an honor to meet you, your Highness," said Molly, who was with the native Colin.  
  
"Colin," I said, "I want to apologize for what I did in public. I slid for nearly two years, and I had gotten mixed up in the lives of my duplicates. I should have known that my actions would affect your reputation, especially since you're a celebrity."  
  
"Well, what do we tell them?" he asked.  
  
"The truth," said Sophia. "I was fooling around with an extradimensional duplicate of yours. The proof is right here in this lab."  
  
"It will make for good publicity," said Quinn.   
  
"I want to ask you, why did you allow him to replace you?" asked Sophia.  
  
"My job was putting a strain on my marriage, keeping me from my wife," said the native Colin. "between shooting TV shows and movies, I rarely get to see her. I allowed the other Colin to live in my houise and take my place so I can be with Molly.  
  
"You are so sweet," said Sophia. "She is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her."  
  
"Thank you, my lady," said Molly.  
  
"I've made a decision. I'm going to take a sabbatical. I will not renew my contract for next season of Hollywood Detectives."  
  
"What's gonna happen to your character?" asked Quinn.  
  
"I'll talk to the producers and have him transferred to another precinct," said the native Colin. "I'm not going to completely cut myself out of the show. I'll probably appear in the one hundredth episode. In the meantime, I'm going to spend time with my wife and my new baby."  
  
"Sophia," I asked, "I was wondering. Why were you willing to be with me after only a few hours?"  
  
"There's very little time for relationships," she replied. "Being a princess keeps me busy. I try to date men when I can get vacations. You know, Colin, you're a very special person, and you are very kind. I wish we could be together longer."  
  
"We can't, Sophia," I said. "I have to go."  
  
"Your Highness," asked Quinn, "does the government have its own sliding research facility."  
  
"I heard about a facility under Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado," Sophia replied.  
  
"You're Princess Sophia," a female voice said.  
  
I looked and recognized Quinn's secretary.  
  
"Yes, I am she," said Sophia. "You are..."  
  
"Wade Welles. I'm Quinn Mallory's secretary. It's a pleasure to meet you, your Highness. I just can't believe I'm here with you."  
  
Eventually, the time has come for me to slide out. Quinn set up a device which could guide me to where my brother and his friends are. My duplicate and his wife were there, as well as Crown Princess Sophia and her Secret Service security detail.   
  
"Goodbye," she said. "I'll always remember."  
  
"Goodbye," I replied.   
  
I was standing in the device, which was supposed to generate some sort of field. Quinn and the technicians turned it on.  
  
I looked at my watch as it counted down my final seconds in this world.  
  
And then I seeped through the dimensional barriers. 


End file.
